


maybe this universe wasn't an achievement at all

by juggyjones



Series: in this universe, we're fighters [3]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M, post 5x07
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2018-06-20
Packaged: 2019-05-26 05:09:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14993498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juggyjones/pseuds/juggyjones
Summary: Raven knows it was Echo, but she’s the one who told her, and she’s the one who showed Diyoza. She’s just as guilty, and it’s hard to convince Shaw she wanted to avoid it when he doesn’t even want to look at her.





	maybe this universe wasn't an achievement at all

**Author's Note:**

> basically this episode killed me and i needed to write what i think could've happened after zeke looked at raven like that

When she sees him enter, Raven grasps the full gravity of what they’ve done. Her breath hitches in her throat as she watches two guards—his _colleagues_ , for heaven’s sake—drag him in.

At first glance, she thinks they’re dragging him because he’s resisting – then she sees his face, and his feet limp, sliding on the tiles of the church, and they throw him into a table and he doesn’t even make a sound.

He’s not resisting.

Raven feels Echo by her side, and it burns like fire, knowing they’re the reason why their only potential ally is beaten up and thrown into Diyoza’s version of a jail cell.

It’s a lump in her throat when he grabs the table and props himself up. She’s trembling, without realizing, expecting something to happen. Her breath is shallow. Her heart beats inside her ears and it’s loud and fast and deafening.

Shaw looks at her.

Raven takes a step back and presses her lips together, because the intensity of his glare feels like a blow to the stomach.

 _I’m sorry_ , she thinks, _I didn’t mean for any of this to happen._

Something wet slides down her cheek and Raven tastes salt on her lips. She wipes the tears quickly, unaware that she was even crying, and when Echo touches her shoulder, she nearly punches her in the face.

“Don’t. It’s your fault.”

But she can’t help but feel it’s her fault, too.

When she looks at Shaw and he’s still looking at her, she takes in his wounds. It’s massive bruises, a shut eye, busted lip and several places where he’s bleeding, and she feels sick. Not because she’s disgusted by it – because she’s the reason he looks like this.

And why he looks at her with the contempt of a person who doesn’t forgive.

Her mind goes back to the room with Diyoza’s technological equipment and she recalls the moment Diyoza confronted her about Shaw. The moment where Raven had to choose between putting her trust in Shaw, or believing what Echo is doing will be the right thing – and preventing Diyoza from, possibly, hurting Echo.

So she made a call. And now, watching him turn his back to her and walk away, limping and barely standing up, she’s trying to make herself believe it was the right call.

_It has to be._

By the time she realizes what she’s doing, she’s already halfway to the bed he’s chosen.

She doesn’t know what to say. Does she greet him? Does she ask how he’s doing?

“I’m sorry.”

He doesn’t show he’s heard her and for a moment, she wonders if his ears are injured, too. His body stiffens, though, and she sees the vein on his neck pop up as he continues to stare at his feet.

She knows everybody’s watching them. She knows she’s a prisoner and until moments ago, he was on the opposing side. She shouldn’t know him.

Yet she doesn’t move, because walking away would be harder than whatever it is she’s doing.

_He deserves an apology, even if I don’t deserve forgiveness._

There’s just enough space at the end of the bed for someone as small as her, and she sits down, right next to his feet. He’s lying on the bed now, hands beneath his head and eyes staring straight ahead, lips tightly pressed together.

He still looks like someone decided he’s going to be their next canvas. She thinks about saying colours don’t look good on him, but figures joking isn’t really how she should approach this.

She waits a little, to see if he’s going to look at her.

He doesn’t.

“I tried to keep you out of this,” she says, quietly enough so no one but him hears. “I didn’t want anything to happen to you. It wasn’t—You didn’t deserve it. Any of it.”

It’s a shitty apology and both of them know it, but she can’t tell him what’s going on. He has no reason to trust her, now especially, and any slip-up could lead to either her or Echo losing their heads. Even worse, everyone they care about dying.

She wishes she could find the right words to say, but there are none. The air is heavy inside the church and it’s additional pressure on her chest, and when she’s stressed out like this, her leg begins to hurt more than usual.

Raven winces and moves her leg with her hands, and sees Shaw’s head turn to her, out of the corner of her eye.

She forces herself to breathe.

When she looks at him next, she doesn’t smile, but tries to soften up her face. He’s not looking at her and he still looks as pissed as before, and maybe she’s doing it all in vain.

There’s nothing she can do it he’s already made up his mind.

“How are you feeling?” She waits for him to reply, and when he doesn’t, she says, “I’ll get something to clean you up with.”

He gets up before she can do anything. He’s limping, but he knows where the water is and he takes some cloth they have here, and some of the medicine they have hidden under one of the tiles.

Shaw knows his way around here, but that’ll never make him one of them. Raven sees how everybody watches him – cautiously, as if waiting for him to snap. Or, more so, waiting until they snap.

He cleans his own wounds at the only mirror they have. It’s painful to look at and he isn’t doing a very good job, but Raven doesn’t know what to do. How to make up for what she did.

_If I can._

She walks over to him, standing behind him, and smiles at him in the mirror. “You’re doing a lousy job.”

He doesn’t say anything, but he looks like he knows it’s shitty, and Raven has had her fair share of dealing with other people’s injuries to be able to get around, at this point.

She walks over so she’s in front of him, blocking his view of the mirror, and takes the cloth dripping with medicinal alcohol. He doesn’t let go, at first, but she’s stubborn and he gives in.

She tries being gentle.

It’s not that bad, once it’s cleaned up – most of his face is simply swollen and that’ll pass without a mark, and the few spots that are bleeding aren’t deep enough to get infected.

She doesn’t notice when he starts looking at her, and the contempt in his eyes decreases as she does her job.

When she’s done, she smiles at him, and he doesn’t look like he wishes her to be dead anymore.

Words aren’t how she’s going to win his trust back. Actions just might be.

 


End file.
